


"I wish I had never given you a chance."

by DancingInTheSliverGlow



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [27]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: "I wish I had never given you a chance.", Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016) Whump, Anti Desi, Anti MacDesi, Break Up, Comfort, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e05 Jack + Kinematics + Safe Cracker + MgKNO3 + GTO, Escape, Everyone Is Alive, Explosions, F/M, Family, Family Feels, FebuWhump2021, Febuwhump, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hostage Situations, Hurt, Hurt Angus Macgyver (Macgyver 2016), Hurt/Comfort, Jack Dalton is alive, Long-Term Relationship(s), MacDesi break up, Mention of explosions, Minor Injuries, One Shot, Rescue, Rescue Missions, Serious Injuries, Short One Shot, Team as Family, Whump, injuries, long term captivity, long-term friendships, s05e05 fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29732439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingInTheSliverGlow/pseuds/DancingInTheSliverGlow
Summary: This started as a MacDesi break up and then morphed into Mac getting kidnapped and working for Codex to get Jack back (alive).~Codex kidnaps Mac. They show him a video of Jack, with a  newspaper from two days ago.Jack was pronounced dead months ago.Mac desperately wants to believe it, that they managed to fake Jack's death and are holding him as leverage for Mac.But he's scared to hope. He knows that Codex is composed of the best. To recreate a video like this - it’s well within Codex’s capacities.They tell him the deal: they tell him to jump, he asks how far. He tries to contact anyone, Jack dies. He tries to foil their plans, Jack dies. He tries to escape, Jac dies. He does anything other than what Codex tells him to do, Jack dies.Mac wants to scream and cry.Thisis his breaking point. If Mac lets himself hope - even for a second - that there’s a slim, microscopic possibility that Jack is still alive when he isn’t? Mac knows he’ll break.The thing is, the fact that Mac is still listening to Codex shows that he has already let himself hope in the possibility.Judging by the triumphant looks on Codex’s faces, they know it.
Relationships: Angus MacGyver & Matilda "Matty" Webber (MacGyver TV 2016), Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Jack Dalton & Matilda "Matty" Webber (MacGyver TV 2016), Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2016) & Riley Davis, Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Wilt Bozer & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137995
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	"I wish I had never given you a chance."

"So, are we good? Are we back together?" Mac asks optimistically as he stares through the ipad at Desi, hope and nervousness written all over his face.

Desi laughs.

"What is the rush to define our relationship, Mac? It's not like we can do anything." 

Thats-

On the surface Mac knows what she’s saying is true. They can't go on dates, or hold hands, or kiss or anything _physical_. But the thing is, for Mac, dating isn't just physical. He doesn't want their relationship to be purely physical, or physically driven. 

Mac wants the emotional side of it too. The sense of security, or not being alone, of having a significant other that will put you first (or try their best too). Mac isn't in this for the PDA. Sure, the PDA is nice, but it was never the _reason,_ the _focus._ Mac _craves_ the kind companionship that a relationship provides. He craves the _trust_ , the _safeness_ , the _love_ and the _gentleness_ that comes with it. 

Desi doesn't mention any of that.

Mac supposes she’s still figuring that side of it out. Maybe. He did send her a letter, explicitly saying and explaining everything that went down with codex. She said she forgave him, but… 

Mac did hurt her, after all.

It hurts. It hurts alot.

He supposes he deserves this. 

… 

“Do you want to go watch a movie with me? Or we could go to an art studio, or see a play…” Mac trails off, looking at Desi questioningly. He knows that they still have issues, with him knocking her unconscious and infiltrating Codex. He tried to talk about it with her, but she shut him down, and told him it was fine. Despite the evidence pointing to the opposite, Mac takes it at face value. He still feels guilty about it, and giving Desi back the power in the relationship is about the only thing that she’s letting him do to atone.

“You don’t have to agree - we don’t have to do any of those things. You don’t have to give me an answer.” It hurts, but Mac can deal. He wants to be happy with Desi, he really does. She’s beautiful and strong and stubborn and those are all qualities that he likes. Mac wants to make her happy and put a smile on her face, but he’s been failing at that, just like every other part of their relationship.

Desi doesn’t give Mac a response, and Mac tries not to let how much it hurts show. He’s trying, he’s exhausted his list of fun dates he always imagined them doing, and the other list of date ideas he had on his bucket list. He’s resorting to googling date ideas now, and still Desi isn’t interested in going on any with him.

Mac takes a deep breath.

It’s okay.

It’s fine.

He deserves this.

… 

“Oh, and Mac? I’m in your truck, parked outside a really shady old building.”

Mac swears, panic rising through his veins.

“You have the walk outside to consider what you’re going to say.” 

Desi hangs up, and Mac slumps against the wall, panic and grief threatening to overwhelming him. He wasn’t ready to tell anyone about this project. This was just supposed to be something between him and his dad. A way to save him before he died, and a way to process and mourn him after he died.

Mac could barely _think_ about his dad without the complicated feelings of loss, misery, regret and resentment tumbling into his brain. How was he supposed to explain to Desi what all this was about?

Although now that he thinks about it - _why_ was Desi even here? He had told her that he was going for a Thursday morning job - just like he did every morning. She _tailed_ him, like a _suspect_. Something in Mac protested that. It wasn’t right. Desi didn’t have any right to tail him, like the _suspects_ and _targets_ that they surveilled on their _job_.

Mac exits the building and slides into his truck. Sure enough, Desi is sitting in his passenger seat, staring at him expectantly. 

“I can’t believe you _tailed_ me.”

Desi’s glare intensifies. It’s almost scolding, angry and it makes Mac feel like a kid that got caught breaking the rules. Instantly, he feels guilty. 

“What I meant was, I’m sorry I lied to you about my Thursday morning runs.”

Desi’s glare reduces in intensity, and Mac feels like he can breathe again. He opens his mouth, the words straining to come out, but something holds it back. Mac… Mac doesn’t _want_ to tell her. He’s not ready to tell her. This is between him and his dad and he’s not _ready -_

Desi’s still staring at him expectantly, so Mac forces the words out. It’s easier to say when he isn’t looking at her. “When I found out my dad had cancer, I set up this facility. We’re experimenting with snake venom and it’s potential properties to see if we can develop a cure. I didn’t tell you because-”

_-because I’m not ready, I’m still not ready and I regret caving in and making that stupid promise of ‘brutal honesty’ with you. I never wanted to make that promise but it was the only way you’d take me back after Codex-_

“-because I wasn’t ready to talk about my dad. I’m still processing everything that happened.” 

Mac turns to look at Desi, and nearly flinches. Her glare is turned up even higher now, and she looks angry. What did he do now?

She back hands him.

It’s not hard - it’s certainly much less hard than the way the people Mac fights on his job hits him - but it still hurts. It hurts physically, his arm throbs for a moment. But it also hurts emotionally, because this is Desi punishing him for lying.

Mac never wanted this. He didn’t want to be forced into a situation where he was forced to choose between protecting his own emotions and lying to her. He didn’t want to be forced into a situation where he had to put aside his emotions to appease her.

He just wanted to date his - not girlfriend - and _be happy together._

Not this.

But then again, Mac had messed up, badly with Codex.

This was his fault. If he hadn't messed up then, Desi wouldn’t have insisted on ‘brutal honesty,’ and Mac wouldn’t be in this position. 

It’s his fault.

He deserves this.

… 

Codex kidnaps him. They shove him in a chair, and show him a video of Jack. Off screen, someone holds up a newspaper to the camera from two days ago. 

Jack was pronounced dead. His funeral was months ago.

Mac doesn’t know what to believe. He desperately wants to believe what they told him; they got in touch with Kovac to fake Jack’s death and since then they’ve been holding him as leverage for Mac, the only one in the whole world who actually managed to hurt Codex in _centuries._

Mac doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He knows that Codex is composed of the best; the best scientists, the best hackers, the best _everyone._ To recreate a video like this using existing images and videos of Jack - it’s not impossible. It’s well within Codex’s capacities.

They tell him the deal: they tell him to jump, he asks how far. He tries to contact anyone, Jack dies and then he dies. He tries to foil their plans, Jack dies and then he dies. He tries to escape, Jac dies and then he dies. He does anything other than what Codex tells him to do, Jack dies and then Mac dies.

Mac wants to scream, he wants to cry. _This_ is his breaking point. He’s lost so much, and now Codex is dangling _Jack_ in front of him. If Mac lets himself hope - even for a second - that there’s a slim, microscopic possibility that Jack is still alive when he isn’t? Mac knows he’ll break.

The thing is, the fact that Mac is still listening to Codex shows that he has already let himself hope in the possibility.

Judging by the triumphant looks on Codex’s faces, they know it. 

The things Codex makes him do - it’s only by his creative interpretation of their orders that Mac is able to avoid killing anyone. 

Nonetheless, when they tell him to blow up a building and he asks what size - the bomb sends ten people to the hospital with severe but non-life threatening injuries. He’s pretty sure that the cameras across the street catch his face leaving the building minutes before the explosion, but there’s nothing he can do about that. 

After two gueling days of non-stop work, they finally take Mac - head bagged - back to their headquarters. They throw him in a dark room, along with a weak flickering lamp. 

Mac’s too exhausted to search the room. He’s been awake for over 50 hours, and he’s been Codex’s slave for most of that. And they weren’t gentle. Mac’s body hurts in places he didn’t _think_ could hurt. Mac rolls on his back, and groans as the hard floor presses into the bruises on his back.

There’s a croak from the other end of the room. “ ‘ac? S’that you?”

That _voice._

Mac _knows_ that voice.

All semblance of tiredness and exhaustion gone, Mac bolts up. “Jack?!”

“Mac! ‘Knew you’d find me.” Jack croaks. 

“JACK!” Mac scrambles up, picks up the lamb and raises it. In the opposite corner, there’s a figure curled up in the corner. Mac nearly trips over his own feet as he walks toward the figure. “Jack?”

“Hey buddy.” 

In the dim lighting, Jack smiles at him. He looks horrible, he’s much too slim for something of his statue, there’s dried blood patches covering his face and most of the skin and clothing Mac can see, and he’s dirty, covered in dark stains but the sight of him, Jack, staring up at Mac - 

\- It’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in a long, long time.

Mac practically collapses on top of Jack in his desperate attempt to hug him. Tears pour out of his eyes, but Mac doesn’t care. Jack is here, Jack is _alive._ “You’re alive.” Mac sobs.

Jack attempts to comfort him, but he’s hurt and weak. He ends up tapping Mac’s arm, mumbling that he’s here, it’s okay. Eventually after literal hours, Mac pulls back a few inches, still holding onto Jack tightly.

In the dim lighting, Jack raises an eyebrow at him. “I know you haven’t seen me in awhile, but what was all that about?”

“Jack I thought you were dead.”

“What?”

“You’re team - they declared you dead. There was a funeral and everything - they gave me your dog tags.” Mac reaches into his shirt and pulls out his dog tag. 

“Oh.” Jack’s voice is quiet, gentle and understanding. Mac has missed it so long - he’s missed this so long that if he had any more tears left to shed, he’s face would be soaking wet again. “Mac-”

“I know, I know. It’s okay. I’m okay now.”

Mac sees Jack nod - watching him, _holding_ _on to him_ feels surreal, like a dream. If this is a weird Codex induced dream, Mac doesn’t want to ever wake up. “How did - how’s Riley?”

“She’s - she’s handling it as well as she can. In your will, you left her the GTO, and I gave her the other dog tag. We wear them everywhere. And we have movie nights every friday - all your favourites. It helps.” 

Jack nods, his eyes wet. He clears his throat. “So, how are we getting out of here?”

It takes a week. A week of Mac blowing up buildings and making monstrous atrocities with the potential to kill thousands before Codex slips up, just slightly.

That small window is all they needed. Mac and Jack book it, and escape. Now that he has Mac, Jack’s condition has become slightly better - Mac shares his portions of food with him, and just Mac’s presence improve’s Jack’s mood and makes him feel better. However, that doesn’t negate the fact that Jack needs a hospital, as fast as possible.

Mac nicks a phone and a car, loads Jack in it and drives away from Codex as fast as he can while staying discrete. Codex doesn’t know they left, and Mac would like to get as many miles as possible between him and Codex before they realize they're gone, and send out the hunting parties. 

Besides him, Jack is ecstatic and slightly overwhelmed. It’s been months since he’s been out of that room, and he’s skin is dreadfully pale. Still, Mac can’t help the gentle smile that covers his face when he sees Jack squinting but nonetheless smiling as they drive by. 

Mac pulls out the phone, and dials Matty’s number. He knows he needs to be careful about this - Russ and Desi have no doubly labeled him a traitor, and will punish anyone who helps him, but Mac thinks Matty will understand. Riley, and Bozer too. When all else failed and went to hell last time, they had his back.

The phone rings. Matty picks up on the first ring. “Who is this, and how did you get this number?” Her voice comes through crystal clear, slightly angry and stressed. It would be quite intimidating for the average person, but for Mac? It sounds like a welcome home hug.

“Matty -” The second Mac says her name, there’s a startled gasp, and then the line goes on mute. 

A few minutes later, Matty unmutes the call and responds, her voice much quieter and softer. “Mac, what's going on?”

Mac can’t help himself he grins. “Matty - I got Jack. Codex had Jack this entire time. I got him back - he’s alive. But we need an ex-ville and a hospital, sooner rather than later.”

“Mac what are you-” Matty starts to respond, her voice disbelieving and hesitant.

Besides him Jack gestures and after a glance, Mac puts the phone on speaker. “Hey Matty.”

There’s a moment of silence and then a disbelieving, “Jack? Jack Dalton?” Matty’s voice cracks, and it sounds like she’s on the verge of crying. 

“Hey Matty. Sorry it took me so long to get back.” Jack says, recalling Matty’s last order for him to return to them. 

“It- it’s-” for the first time, and possibly only time in history, Matilda Webber is speechless. There’s a muffled sniff, and then Matty composes herself. She asks for their location, and then directs them to an off the books personal safe house, stocked with medical supplies. Mac didn’t even know that Matty had a personal safehouse. Matty says that she’ll need a few hours to clear everything and arrange for a hospital where Codex can’t get to Jack and Mac, but what she’s given them is more than enough. 

A few hours later, they reach the safe house. Mac clears it, and then forces Jack to eat something before they both crash and sleep for fourteen hours straight. 

The next day, Mac’s in the middle of cooking chicken noodle soup and updating Jack on the craziness of the outside world that he missed when someone knocks on the door. 

_Shit._

Mac tosses Jack the DIY flamethrower he made at Jack’s requests and grabs his own equally effective homemade pepper spray. He checks the peep hole and - 

\- Unlocks the door and swings it wide open. On the other side is a red-eyed Riley, Matty, Bozer and to his surprise, Russ and Desi. 

The second Mac steps out of the way, Riley bolts inside, quickled followed by Matty and Bozer. Russ steps inside but hangs back and Desi watches him from the doorway. 

The second everyone else is inside, she punches him. Hard. After being roughed up by Codex and sleeping on literal metal hard floors, it hurt _a lot._ She shakes her head at him, her eyes red and snaps. “I can’t believe you did to me, _a second time.”_

Like the literal hundreds of times before, Mac starts appeasing her and telling her what she wants to hear. “Desi I’m sorry -”

“Are you?” She interrupts, her voice as cold as steel. “Are you _really_ sorry? You can’t keep tugging me around like this, Mac. It’s not fair!”

Mac isn’t quite sure what does it, maybe it's the way Desi insinuates that everything that happened with Codex was simply to mess with her. Or maybe it’s the fact that Desi doesn’t even consider the fact that _Jack, his literal other half_ \- for all intents and purposes - had risen from the dead and was _alive_ , and _here_.

“You know what?” Mac’s voice raises a little louder, as he gets angry. “No. I’m not sorry. I don’t regret a single thing that I did because if I had done _anything_ else, I wouldn’t have gotten Jack back.”

The look on Desi’s face is betrayed and livid all wrapped up in one. She opens her mouth to respond, but Mac doesn’t let her.

“I don’t care, okay? I am sick and tired of apologizing for everything. I shouldn’t have to apologize to you every single day for every single thing you determine to be a betrayal. I am my own person. I deserve to have my own rights, to make my own decisions. I don’t have to report every single thing I do to you.” Mac realizes his voice has been increasing in volume during his rant, and he lowers it. “I’m done. We are done. I wish I had never given you a chance. You can come in and see Jack if you want, but we are not talking.”

With that, Mac spins around and makes his way back to Jack and the others. There’s silence, and for a second everyone’s starting at him, and then somewhere behind him, presumably at Desi. 

They all heard everything.

For a second, Mac feels mortified - he just aired out his relationship to his whole team - but then Bozer gives him a smile and a supportive nod, followed by Matty and Riley. 

Jack raises his eyebrows. “Clearly I’ve missed something.” They all give a strained chuckle, as Jack stares between them. 

Mac doesn’t know where Desi goes - he doesn’t care. Eventually, they all move to the safehouse living room. Riley sits on Jack’s left, stubbornly refusing to leave his side. Mac sits on Jack’s right, practically glued there. Bozer sits next to him. Matty and Russ take the armchairs. After some introduction, Matty begins retelling all of Jack and Russ’ most hilarious and frustrating missions that bring a laugh out of everyone. 

There are deep cracks within all of them, scars that might take a lifetime to heal, scars that might never fully heal, but Mac knows that they’ll be okay now. He knows he’ll be okay. He’s no longer at the edge of falling apart, he’s back on stable ground, surrounded by his family with the most genuine, happy smile that he’s had in months on his face. 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my last MacGyver fanfic for febuwhump! I hope you enjoyed reading it! If you want more, maybe check out some of my other MacGyver fanfics?
> 
> Day 7: Poisoning -> Mac & Riley + a side of badass Mac & Murdoc.  
> Day 8: "Hey, hey, this is no time for sleep!" -> Mac & Murdoc whump!  
> Day 10: "I'm sorry, I didn't know." -> Riley realizes the true nature of Mac and Desi's relationship.  
> Day 13: Hidden Injury -> Murdoc, Matty, Riley & Bozer find out Desi has been hurting Mac.  
> Day 15: "Run. Don't look back." -> Mac, Cassian & Murdoc fluff with a touch of angst.  
> Day 16: Broken Bones -> Misson gone wrong + MacRiley  
> Day 19: Sleep Deprivation -> As revenge for destroying Codex, Rowan tortures Mac, who starts hallucinating Jack.  
> Day 21: Identity Reveal -> A twist on S05E05: who is the landlord?  
> Day 26: Recovery -> Mac & Riley processing & healing from the events in S05E05.
> 
> I hope everyone's staying safe and healthy during these troubling times.  
> Come say hi on [my tumblr :)](https://art-in-the-sunlight.tumblr.com)  
> If you enjoyed, consider leaving a kudos and comment?  
>   
> Emoji Key for those who don't know what to say!  
> ❤ = you wish you could kudos again  
> 👍 = you enjoyed reading it  
> 😃 = Jack is alive! It's only a matter of time until we see him on screen again!   
> 💕 = You stan Mac & Jack's relationship (like me)  
> 💔 = Mac and Desi are not working. Please end this  
> 


End file.
